Diary of a would-be comedian.

I’m not a Panda cub. I am a new comedian. I haven’t had to be registered with the State owned comedy-bureau, fill in any paper work, nor have I had to pass any sort of test. There aren’t any programs on TV exposing cowboy comedians who leave people feeling that they have been ripped-off so I guess it is a safe zone to put myself in. No legislation. Result!

You might be wandering “What sort of comedian are you then?” I am the unpublished (unless you are reading this), undiscovered (unless you are my new agent) and uncertain kind. I am funny, so that’s a good start but I am not taking any traditional path into comedy.

Well I say that, but my career did start early. I made people laugh at school as a pupil and I now make people laugh at school as a teacher. I can’t imagine my career will continue in this vein. I think I have covered all the bases when it comes to making people in school laugh. So I am deciding to help people learn through comedy. It is a very subtle difference but none-the-less it is there. Imagine Brian Cox with a funny wig and stupid make-up. I’m nothing like that I just wanted to make you think of something ridiculous.

Until I do my first gig I don’t know how I will perform. Picture if you will a Panda that people are waiting to see if it will mate. Not sure if that is about me or not. I’ll get back to you.

However I do feel like Dr Who after a re-generation. I need to find who the comedy me is. Hopefully I won’t be Sylvester McCoy or Peter Davison. They just weren’t funny. Like the Doctor, I also have a blue box but the less said about my cricketing injury the better. The sounds of “Middle Stump” still ring in my ears.

This new career choice has coincided with a rise in that greatest of male hormone; eccentricity. Before I become a grumpy old man I want to explore the part of my adulthood termed “bonkers.” I have cast aside the feeling of any sense of self-control and now like to get hold of the steering wheel and give it a good spin and see where I end up pointing. By the way, I’m also on the look-out for a new car insurer. You need to know that I don’t always speak metaphorically.

I have already explored my comedy identity through Twitter (@cparkie). If my followers count is anything to go by, Saddam Hussein is more popular than me. But as I said, my undiscovered nature means that there is no pressure on me just yet. Picture if you will a Panda in the wild getting ready to mate. (Yes I think that might be about me.)

The next stages will be the most telling. Do I bubble-under, break-through, crash and burn or rise majestically like, er, a majestic rising thing?

Who knows? Hopefully I will become as well known as that great internet sensation: the sneezing panda cub.